3 Self-Assertiveness Strategies to Gain More Power and Influence

During my tenure as a corporate employee in the manufacturing division of a Fortune 100 company, I was often the only female in team meetings. I knew that speaking up and communicating ideas effectively were important for my success. I could never become a member of the “good ole boys club” but I could influence their respect for me and their perception of my contributions to organizational goals.

As you seek success in business, personal relationships, or any venture, it helps to take stock of your level of self-assertiveness. Assertiveness is the ability to honestly express yourself without undue self-doubt or anxiety. Assertive people are confident, self-assured and often recognized as leaders. It’s not only apparent in their communication but also in their behaviors.

While some are born assertive, for others self-assertiveness is a cultivated skill. I was fortunate enough to attend an all girls high school which focused on ways to be effective in these kinds of settings.

If you need solutions to deal with an office bully, overzealous friend, aggressive business partner or to improve your negotiation skills, implement these three strategies to gain control and enhance your interactions with others.

(1) Identify your boundaries and set limits. Don’t be a push-over. Figure out where to draw the line when dealing with others. How much abuse are you willing to take? Be honest with yourself and avoid letting self-doubt stop you from defining new boundaries.

• Start by writing down your plan to manage through various situations.Research proves that externalizing your thought process improves your chances of making a lasting impact on your future behavior. Pay attention to your internal reactions. Recall past situations in which you let someone go too far. How did you feel? At what point could you have put your foot down? Write it. See it. Say it. And put it into action.

(2) Eliminate toxic relationships. Empower yourself by letting go of individuals and partnerships that drain your energy and stifle your growth. If discussions and collaborations are unhealthy, it’s time to move on. While the split may be painful initially, you will flourish once you’re free of those influences.

• Simply begin by declining meetings, limiting conversations, engaging in other activities of interest and cultivating new relationships. You don’t have to make a grand announcement or hold a forum. Let your actions speak for you. You’ll build self-esteem and confidence which will attract individuals who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

(3) Think on purpose. As you become more assertive, you’ll need a strategy to deal with individuals who overstep your boundaries. Maintain a calm demeanor for effectual communications even if they become defensive. The individual may feel as if they’re under attack, especially if you haven’t taken them to task before. In this situation, they will likely try to derail you by changing the subject. Use the ASSA method to keep discussions on topic and to the point:

• Alert the person that you would like to speak with them.
• State your grievance clearly and calmly.
• Sell the benefits of them altering their behavior.
• Agree that they’ll do things differently in the future.

You’ll likely find that becoming assertive will change your life. You’ll gain the confidence needed to develop beneficial relationships with colleagues, partners and your management team. And you’ll attract opportunities that facilitate personal and professional success.

For more information to build CONFIDENCE, click here to download "How to Regain Confidence Even If Your Struggles Have Destroyed You".

Top 6 Excuses That Limit Your Success and Solutions to Overcome Them

It's a new year and most likely you've created a list of resolutions. You are determined that this time will be different. You won't quit. You won't get distracted. You're going to stick with your plan for a new start. However, sadly enough the odds aren't in your favor. The fact is only a tiny fraction of people keep their resolutions. University of Scranton research suggests that just 8% of people achieve their New Year’s goals. What's the common denominator? EXCUSES. For most individuals, it's much easier to think of ways something can't be done versus how it can be done. Many of us have a series of excuses that we can pull out of a hat at a moment’s notice. We make excuses mostly to protect ourselves and to justify our current circumstances. But these limiting beliefs cripple our chances for success. Consider these excuses and commit to the solutions.

(1) “I DON’T KNOW HOW.” This common excuse gives you permission to not even try.

• SOLUTION: Get support. At no time in the history of mankind has there been so much information and resources available. Want to start a charity? There are hundreds of books on the subject. Need to lose 100 lbs? There are thousands of CDs, videos and blogs to support you. Want to change careers? Consult a coach or mentor. Or simply try and then adjust your approach based on your results.

(2) “I’M AFRAID.” Who hasn't been afraid to try something new, to step out of the box, to move beyond their comfort zone? Most of our fears are socially based and have no real consequences.

• SOLUTION: Ask yourself what’s the worst thing that can happen. Once you have determined the worst case scenarios you’ll realize that the fear is a disguise to kill your dreams and stifle your growth. Then list the best things that can happen. You’ll recognize that your success is more important than the fears that are holding you back.

"Stop being afraid of what could go wrong and FOCUS on what could go right!"

(3) “I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME.” If your heart is in it then you will make the time for what’s truly important to you.

• SOLUTION: Create a list of the things you do on a daily basis from the moment you awake until the end of the day. Record your activities in 15 minute blocks. Include everything from talking on the phone, surfing the internet to watching television. After doing this for one week most people are able to find at least 3 hours to dedicate to a new activity or adventure.

(4) “I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY.” There is usually a way to work around a lack of financial resources.

• SOLUTION: Find alternatives. For example, if you’re looking to increase your skills but can’t afford college tuition there are other ways to enhance your credentials. For instance, volunteer at a non-profit organization; get certification in a particular skill or intern for a small company on your days off. If you are business owner, consider bartering (trading your services or products). There is always a way. You just may have to work a little harder to find solutions to support your growth.

(5) “IT’S TOO LATE FOR ME.” It’s never too late to become what you might have been. A person climbed Mount Everest in his 80’s. People have gone back to medical school in their 60’s. Getting a late start might be less convenient and more challenging, but there’s nothing wrong with that.

• SOLUTION: Figure out what interests you, influences you and motivates you. Build a plan for the challenges that are really important to you and take one step at a time to complete your goals.

(6) “IT’S TOO HARD.” Some endeavors are certainly more difficult than others. But claiming that something is “too hard” is really just another way of admitting that you’re afraid. People with limited resources and talent can still be extremely successful.

• SOLUTION: Set your mind on success! Those with motivation and stamina are really the ones who succeed. Get an accountability partner. Read encouraging stories. Practice affirmations. Do what’s necessary to keep your thoughts and energy centered on a successful outcome.

"The way you eat an elephant is one bite at a time."

Your success is dependent on effort. No action, no results. Break your tasks into small assignments and keep going until you've achieved your goal. It’s time to make some changes. Transformation isn't always easy but it is necessary for your success. Remind yourself of the reasons why started in the first place. And have the courage to put aside your excuses and go after what you truly want. You’ll be glad you did!

Listen to my podcast interview with Jerod and Friends!

For support to reach your goals for success connect with me at coachadrean@gmail.com or schedule here for a free consultation to discuss how I can support you in achieving your maximum potential.

Interrupt the Pattern

Do you have a habit of engaging with the wrong people, making the same mistake over and over or pursuing limiting opportunities? If you want different results, it’s likely that you’ll need to interrupt the pattern of thinking and behaviors. Here are 4 ways to gain control:

1. When things go bad don’t go with them: Maintain a healthy mindset. It’s difficult to make the best decisions when your mind is cluttered.

1. Don’t spend major time on minor issues: Know what’s important and what needs your attention. Address only the things that will lead you closest to your goals. All else is a distraction.

1. Turn your wounds into wisdom: Learn from your mistakes and poor choices. When faced with a similar situation you’ll be better prepared to manage it and stay on track.

1. Pause in the pursuit: Too often we get caught up in the fight and don’t understand the purpose. Reflect on how things manifested and realize when it’s time to let go so you can grow. Refocus and keep moving forward!

Change isn't always comfortable but it's necessary to achieve the success you desire. If you always do what you've always done, you’ll always get what you've always got. Sometimes the simplest adjustments can make a big difference. Create new patterns of thought and behavior to reach your maximum potential.

IS YOUR EGO IN THE WAY OF CAREER SUCCESS?

We are constantly making decisions to determine the best pathways and solutions that will lead to our success. And it’s not always easy to tell if our choices are coming from the right place. Follow your ego and you might be successful in many ways, but you’re likely to find yourself wondering why you’re not as happy as you think you should be. However, if you follow your intuition, your life is likely to be more enjoyable and meaningful.

Learning to determine whether you’re being guided by intuition or ego can make a huge difference in your career. While there are no hard and fast rules to make the distinction, there are tendencies that can serve as a guide. Consider these differences:

1.     Ego-based decisions are grounded in fear and self-preservation. If you decide to go to medical school primarily for reasons of financial security, that’s ego. If you decide to not ask for the promotion, that’s ego. Intuitive thoughts feel calm, relaxed, and peaceful.

2.     Ego-based decisions typically have emotion connected to them resulting in nervous or anxious feelings. A choice made from a place of intuition just feels “right” and often comes out of left field. You might be surfing the internet and be hit with the idea of becoming an artist. The resulting battle in your head is your ego fighting back.

3.     Ego-based decisions involve rationalization. Your ego is wonderful at convincing you that its choice is the right one. “I’ll never get that job. Imagine how disappointed I’ll feel when it doesn’t work out. People like me are destined to only be supervisors, but there’s nothing wrong with that. I can still have a decent life.” It’s really just a rationalization based on fear – fear of success or fear of failure.

4.     Ego-based decisions consider external results. Are you writing a book in order to have a bestseller? Are you taking an action to gain certain results from others? A thought or decision arising from intuition is based on internal results. You’ll write a book because you’re fascinated with the idea not whether or not it will be a best seller. You’ll take an action because it will provide you with self-satisfaction not to gain outside attention.

5.     The ego tries to justify itself with facts, figures, and logic. Intuition doesn’t require these tricks to compel you. It doesn’t involve judgment statements about right or wrong, good or bad. If you’re using logic to convince yourself of a course of action, you can bet that’s your ego talking.

While the ego can be very limiting, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s wrong. Remember that the ego’s motivation is largely based on self-preservation. Your ego believes that it has your best interests at heart. The trick is to realize when your ego is holding you back from something bigger and better. Think before choosing which voice to follow and use these tips to help you make a decision that will bring you true happiness and career success.

10 Ways to Build Trust and Credibility for Career Success

Do you remember playing the "TRUST" game when you were a child? You stood in front of someone, held your breath and hoped that when you fell backwards they would catch you. It was nerve wrecking to let go and to rely on someone else to keep you from getting hurt. But after they caught you the first time you were more willing to stand in front of them again and again and lean back without fear. That’s because they earned your trust.
 
As adults that same kind of trust is important to build solid relationships for business and career success. Trustworthy people are invaluable to organizations. They are influencers that consistently demonstrate a pattern of behavior that enhances their credibility. Take these action steps to increase your leadership abilities and capitalize on opportunities of advancement:
 

1.     KEEP YOUR WORD! Your promise should be as binding as a contract.  Reliability is a primary component of trust.

2.     KEEP GOOD COMPANY! Surround yourself with people of high integrity. Your net worth => Your network.

3.     KEEP THE PEACE! Learn how to disagree without being disagreeable. Recognize the value in the opinion of others.

4.     KEEP CONTROL! It’s not only what you bring to the table it’s how you serve it. Professionalism is important. Manage your emotions when you are stressed or under pressure.

5.     KEEP THE VISION! You gain more by making others look good than singing your own praises. Sometimes it not all about you. Remember the overall goal.

6.     KEEP IT A SECRET! Words spoken in confidence are words spoken in trust. Open lines of communication are essential for your success.

7.     KEEP IT HONEST! Admit when you are wrong. Others don't have to guess your motivations or intentions when you're open and honest. You’ll be respected for truthfulness and transparency.

8.     KEEP YOUR PROMISES! Follow through on every commitment you make. Always under promise and over-deliver.

9.     KEEP RECORDS! Ask others to write a recommendation for you. Use their words to build your reputation.

10.  KEEP QUIET! Be a good listener. When people are speaking give them your full attention.  Your silence will speak volumes.

 

Gaining credibility and trustworthiness doesn’t happen overnight. KEEP these action steps in mind and demonstrate trusting behaviors to support you in getting there faster. Don’t get dismayed if at one time or another you let someone down. No one is perfect. But your history will speak loudly of your character if you’ve established a trusting foundation.