3 Self-Assertiveness Strategies to Gain More Power and Influence

During my tenure as a corporate employee in the manufacturing division of a Fortune 100 company, I was often the only female in team meetings. I knew that speaking up and communicating ideas effectively were important for my success. I could never become a member of the “good ole boys club” but I could influence their respect for me and their perception of my contributions to organizational goals.

As you seek success in business, personal relationships, or any venture, it helps to take stock of your level of self-assertiveness. Assertiveness is the ability to honestly express yourself without undue self-doubt or anxiety. Assertive people are confident, self-assured and often recognized as leaders. It’s not only apparent in their communication but also in their behaviors.

While some are born assertive, for others self-assertiveness is a cultivated skill. I was fortunate enough to attend an all girls high school which focused on ways to be effective in these kinds of settings.

If you need solutions to deal with an office bully, overzealous friend, aggressive business partner or to improve your negotiation skills, implement these three strategies to gain control and enhance your interactions with others.

(1) Identify your boundaries and set limits. Don’t be a push-over. Figure out where to draw the line when dealing with others. How much abuse are you willing to take? Be honest with yourself and avoid letting self-doubt stop you from defining new boundaries.

• Start by writing down your plan to manage through various situations.Research proves that externalizing your thought process improves your chances of making a lasting impact on your future behavior. Pay attention to your internal reactions. Recall past situations in which you let someone go too far. How did you feel? At what point could you have put your foot down? Write it. See it. Say it. And put it into action.

(2) Eliminate toxic relationships. Empower yourself by letting go of individuals and partnerships that drain your energy and stifle your growth. If discussions and collaborations are unhealthy, it’s time to move on. While the split may be painful initially, you will flourish once you’re free of those influences.

• Simply begin by declining meetings, limiting conversations, engaging in other activities of interest and cultivating new relationships. You don’t have to make a grand announcement or hold a forum. Let your actions speak for you. You’ll build self-esteem and confidence which will attract individuals who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

(3) Think on purpose. As you become more assertive, you’ll need a strategy to deal with individuals who overstep your boundaries. Maintain a calm demeanor for effectual communications even if they become defensive. The individual may feel as if they’re under attack, especially if you haven’t taken them to task before. In this situation, they will likely try to derail you by changing the subject. Use the ASSA method to keep discussions on topic and to the point:

• Alert the person that you would like to speak with them.
• State your grievance clearly and calmly.
• Sell the benefits of them altering their behavior.
• Agree that they’ll do things differently in the future.

You’ll likely find that becoming assertive will change your life. You’ll gain the confidence needed to develop beneficial relationships with colleagues, partners and your management team. And you’ll attract opportunities that facilitate personal and professional success.

For more information to build CONFIDENCE, click here to download "How to Regain Confidence Even If Your Struggles Have Destroyed You".

FOCUS: 4 TIPS to ACHIEVE GREATER SUCCESS

One of the biggest concerns of coaching clients is staying on task to reach specific goals. In today’s modern world of technology, the  constant beeping, buzzing, texting, emailing and tweeting make it difficult to concentrate.

But all things are possible! Try these strategies to stay focused the next time you’re challenged in reaching your goals:

1.     Narrow your list. Focus on 1-3 major goals that you hope to achieve within a designated time frame. This ensures that you aren't spreading yourself too thin, and as a result, losing your motivation.

2.     Break down your goals into a series of smaller steps. You’ll feel less overwhelmed and this makes reaching your ultimate goal that much easier.

3.     Get an accountability partner to share your experiences with as you work towards your goal. Ideally, this person will be someone who can encourage you when obstacles arise and celebrate your successes with you along the way.

4.     Create a goal board. This is an inspiring visual reminder of why you created your goals in the first place. Fill it with pictures and other images that help you maintain your enthusiasm and focus.

It takes hard work and consistent effort to achieve major goals. Remember you get what you focus on so focus on what you want!

For support to reach your goals for success connect with me at coachadrean@gmail.com or schedule here for a free consultation.

Interrupt the Pattern

Do you have a habit of engaging with the wrong people, making the same mistake over and over or pursuing limiting opportunities? If you want different results, it’s likely that you’ll need to interrupt the pattern of thinking and behaviors. Here are 4 ways to gain control:

1. When things go bad don’t go with them: Maintain a healthy mindset. It’s difficult to make the best decisions when your mind is cluttered.

1. Don’t spend major time on minor issues: Know what’s important and what needs your attention. Address only the things that will lead you closest to your goals. All else is a distraction.

1. Turn your wounds into wisdom: Learn from your mistakes and poor choices. When faced with a similar situation you’ll be better prepared to manage it and stay on track.

1. Pause in the pursuit: Too often we get caught up in the fight and don’t understand the purpose. Reflect on how things manifested and realize when it’s time to let go so you can grow. Refocus and keep moving forward!

Change isn't always comfortable but it's necessary to achieve the success you desire. If you always do what you've always done, you’ll always get what you've always got. Sometimes the simplest adjustments can make a big difference. Create new patterns of thought and behavior to reach your maximum potential.

LIVE BEYOND LIMITS

Do you put limitations on yourself? Do you find reasons to quit a task before you even get started? It is not uncommon. As rational thinkers our natural tendency is to weigh the “costs and benefits” to achieve our goals. But at times it’s much easier to find reasons why something may not work versus the joy and accomplishment we could derive from achieving the success. This thinking limits our abilities to experience greater fulfillment and satisfaction. A limiting mindset may stem from a difficult childhood, low self-esteem, or past failures. Yet, despite the specific reason, it all boils down to fear.

Unlock your potential and overcome limitations with these tips:

·       EMBRACE YOUR LIMITATIONS. Realize that even if you’re not the best at something, you can still be very successful, as long as you make an effort. There will always be someone smarter, stronger, or better looking than you. But they aren't you. Everyone is given a unique gift to fulfill their calling. Find yours and avoid letting a fear of inadequacy stop you from trying. It’s okay if you try and fail. Failing to try is the only true failure.

·       WORK A LITTLE HARDER. Thomas Edison once said, "Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration." Even coming up with a great idea for a new service or product is more about hard work than about being brilliant. Lots of people are talented, but it takes someone who's willing to put in the extra effort to make it successful. Just get to work and do your best.

·       GET INTO POSITION. Before you get in your car and turn on the ignition, you have a destination in mind. Accomplishing things in life can be the same way. Have a clear understanding of where you want to go and then you can figure out how to get there. Step out of your comfort zone and step into the fulfillment zone.

·       EXPLORE THE POSSIBILITIES. Sometimes things seem impossible for us, only because that’s what we believe them to be. Open your mind and overcome the onstacles blocking your potential. Focus on what you can do and believe the best for your next steps. You'll be amazed at how things will work out for your good.

Turn “I wish” into “I WILL” and live beyond your limits! Take a moment and share a success you’ve achieved through limitless living.

IS YOUR EGO IN THE WAY OF CAREER SUCCESS?

We are constantly making decisions to determine the best pathways and solutions that will lead to our success. And it’s not always easy to tell if our choices are coming from the right place. Follow your ego and you might be successful in many ways, but you’re likely to find yourself wondering why you’re not as happy as you think you should be. However, if you follow your intuition, your life is likely to be more enjoyable and meaningful.

Learning to determine whether you’re being guided by intuition or ego can make a huge difference in your career. While there are no hard and fast rules to make the distinction, there are tendencies that can serve as a guide. Consider these differences:

1.     Ego-based decisions are grounded in fear and self-preservation. If you decide to go to medical school primarily for reasons of financial security, that’s ego. If you decide to not ask for the promotion, that’s ego. Intuitive thoughts feel calm, relaxed, and peaceful.

2.     Ego-based decisions typically have emotion connected to them resulting in nervous or anxious feelings. A choice made from a place of intuition just feels “right” and often comes out of left field. You might be surfing the internet and be hit with the idea of becoming an artist. The resulting battle in your head is your ego fighting back.

3.     Ego-based decisions involve rationalization. Your ego is wonderful at convincing you that its choice is the right one. “I’ll never get that job. Imagine how disappointed I’ll feel when it doesn’t work out. People like me are destined to only be supervisors, but there’s nothing wrong with that. I can still have a decent life.” It’s really just a rationalization based on fear – fear of success or fear of failure.

4.     Ego-based decisions consider external results. Are you writing a book in order to have a bestseller? Are you taking an action to gain certain results from others? A thought or decision arising from intuition is based on internal results. You’ll write a book because you’re fascinated with the idea not whether or not it will be a best seller. You’ll take an action because it will provide you with self-satisfaction not to gain outside attention.

5.     The ego tries to justify itself with facts, figures, and logic. Intuition doesn’t require these tricks to compel you. It doesn’t involve judgment statements about right or wrong, good or bad. If you’re using logic to convince yourself of a course of action, you can bet that’s your ego talking.

While the ego can be very limiting, that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s wrong. Remember that the ego’s motivation is largely based on self-preservation. Your ego believes that it has your best interests at heart. The trick is to realize when your ego is holding you back from something bigger and better. Think before choosing which voice to follow and use these tips to help you make a decision that will bring you true happiness and career success.

Retire Now!

Rashard Mendenhall, a running back for the NFL, announced that he is retiring after only six seasons, walking away from the opportunity to earn millions of dollars. Rashard wrote, in a post titled "Why I Retired At 26" that he doesn’t want to play anymore. As for the question of what he’ll do - Rashard says, “I will live! I plan to live in a way that I never have before, and that is freely, able to fully be me, without the expectation of representing any league, club, shield or city. I do have a plan going forward, but I will admit that I do not know how things will totally shape out. That is the beauty of it! I want to travel the world and write!” Rashard is doing what most people only imagine. He’s following his heart to pursue his passions.

If you want more out of life -go get it! Don’t allow the fear of failure, the fear of the unknown or the opinions of others suffocate your dreams and desires. The only person who will suffer from the inaction is you. You were created you to THRIVE not just survive. You are a DIVINE design- engineered to SUCCEED. You were made for EXCELLENCE! Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect!

Like Rashard, when you follow your passion you may not have all the answers. You may not even know where to start. But what you do know is that you have to do something different. Many people have started with much less and achieved remarkable success. The only difference between them and others is that they believed in themselves and were willing to risk losing in order to gain in the future.

RETIRE the limiting beliefs that have held you back from pursuing your dreams. Make a decision now that you will do one thing that moves you forward in achieving your goals. Every accomplishment starts with a decision to try. What will you try today?

 

5 Things Mentally Strong People Do For Career Success

 

Will Smith is quoted as saying, “Make a choice and decide what you are going to be, how you’re going to be, and how you’re going to do it”. To achieve what you want in your career requires that kind of mindset. It’s literally impossible to attain success without mental fortitude. Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, wrote an article in LifeHack entitled, “13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do”. I’ve turned them around and added my thoughts to share 5 ways to use your mental muscle for greater career success.

• MAINTAIN YOUR COMPOSURE! Don’t give away your power. When you allow the actions of others to disrupt your mental stability you lose control. Emotional balance is the foundation for productive thinking and sound judgment. This was demonstrated on a recent episode of the BET hit series, “Single Ladies”. April told a colleague about her thoughts regarding new talent for the agency. Although David discredited them, he was non apologetic after he shared her ideas as his original recommendation during a business meeting. Instead of acting on her frustration, April used that energy to ignite her creativity and determination. Like April - know your strengths and manage the way you respond.
• TOLERATE DISCOMFORT! Resist the urge to act on emotions. When you are led by your feelings you are vulnerable of making poor decisions. Consider the example of a client who entered a contract with a vendor based on how she “felt” about the services. After the vendor missed two deadlines the client relented that more time spent on research could have yielded a different result. At times, it’s best to let emotions subside and seek the facts. Resist making permanent choices based on a temporary state of mind.
• BE WILLING TO FAIL! Everyone has a gift but most people never open their package. No poison kills more slowly or painfully than regret. The next time a challenging project is available accept the assignment. If you have services or products to offer don’t be afraid to ask for the business. You don’t know what you don’t know until you know it. Realize that when you operate in your purpose even your mistakes will work for your good.
• DON'T COMPLAIN! Refrain from wasting energy on things you can’t control. It is a choice you must make to maintain clarity and focus. Complainers don’t get promoted. And they often miss opportunities because they are not contributing to a solution they are inflating the problem. Your energy is a valuable resource and the way you spend it determines your success.
• EMBRACE CHANGE! Adjusting to change can be a struggle between mind over matter. No matter the situation, choose to gain from the experience. Often times change will expose new ideas and advancement. Your goal is to figure out how to benefit from those changes to increase your potential to be promoted, learn a different skill, meet new colleagues or serve more customers. You can travel on the paved road to change or ride the rollercoaster but each road leads to same destination.

Your mind is a steering wheel. Be positioned to go in the direction for success. Make it a habit to practice affirmations, read inspirational stories or listen to motivational messages to guide you on the course and strengthen your mental muscle.